Ecstasy

Finally!!! The suicidal days are over! The days of the dreaded test 1 have gone past. The days in front are full of events to look forward to n filled with lots of fun. But tests do a lot of things to your life and schedules. A lot.

Firstly, it changes your routine. Mine atleast. Now im comfortable sleeping at 5 am and getting up at 1 pm.(That explains the weird time of posting this blog!!.. 3 am! ) Eating at all times other than the meal times. Easily munching 2 packets of hide and seek without noticing. Suddenly trivia becomes so interesting. The number of hours between 9:30 am and 4 pm seem to matter. New resolutions of studying are made. Class notes are exchanged. Groups of friends discussing methods or terms at 3 am, maggi at 4 am, endless cups of tea and numerous biscuit packets. The DC screen filled with requests for portions of various subjects. Breakfasts include last minute revisions. People walking through walkways engrossed in their notes.

But yes, once its over its simply amazing. It so happened that the finals of the 20-20 Cricket World cup coincided with its ending. Our elected members finally managed to telecast it in the auditorium. Suddenly the last exam didnt matter. India-Pakistan FINAL! Whoa!

The last exam was dismissed in a hurry. All rushed to the auditorium. Everyone. Cricket fan or not. It was the most electrifying atmosphere. Just like a cricket stadium with the added advantage of watching it conveniently on a giant screen. The screams when the sixes were hit or the groans when a wicket was taken, the swearing at the Pakistani cricketers and the cheering of the Indian batsmen..it was an experience in itself. But trust every India-Pak encounter to be most entertaining with the balance of the game swinging dangerously from one side to another. Given the short span of the game, every ball mattered. Every run counted. It all made a difference. The nervous end and the intense celebration when India finally did it!!!! Oh my God!! Its something I would never forget. All danced and cheered. Suddenly cricket was everything. The men in blue were Gods. We danced like crazy. We rejoiced in spirit with the team and the rest of the country. It was celebration like never before and Indian team deserves the audulation.It was the most amazing post test celebrations we’ve had. 😀

After being high on India’s success for a while, reality dawned. Classes once more, papers to be got back ( omg omg Im shit scared!!) ,lectures to attend (remember the resolves we made during the papers!!??…Groan!!) and lifestyles to be rectified and synced with Indian Standard time. But hey, this is the time I’ve been waiting for. Music, dance and rock nights and not to forget the upcoming ZEPHYR!!! (its the best event of the year!!). Yeahhh..lots to do. Movies to watch, outings to be made.Post exam time is just ecstasy!!!

PS: Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyooyyo!!! 😀

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When dreams crash…

I am a dreamer. I dream of a lot of things. Day-dreaming is my greatest hobby. One can often find me drifting into a parallel world of my own. Ive dreamt of so many things since I was a kid. Many of my dreams came true, many just crashed. ( I am of course leaving out the ones which were absurd! ). When your dreams come true, you rejoice, celebrate and soak yourself in the blissful feeling of achieving or getting something you always dreamt of. No, Im not talking about material dreams. Its when your dreams crash that sets your mind thinking. Wouldnt it be better and more peaceful if you’d rather not dream?? Not have any expectations from yourself or others. Have no benchmarks to compare with. Not expect people to do anything or say anything. Just take life as it comes…? Unfortunately for me, that isnt the case.

It starts with that sinking feeling. A feeling that leaves you hollow. It urges you to undo so many things that you did. It makes you realize what you should have done and what you shouldn’t have. Faced with this problem recently, I had the urge to turn back time. Not do so many things, behave differently and perhaps work harder. Its not the failure alone that pinches you hard. Its the other stuff you thought about too. Its like a tower of cards that comes crashing down. All just due to one wrongly placed card on the top. All the interrelated dreams, everything changes.

I know people must be baffled what this was all about. But its about a simple thing. When dreams crash. When they dont exist anymore. When all you have dreamt about for 18 years isnt going to happen. When you have to pick up the shards of the shattered glass and start from scratch itself. Wait for time to heal the wound and start afresh. Goals and aspirations apart, even the end of a long friendship or sudden change in behaviour of people towards you hits you hard. When so many things you have thought about was all a waste of time and emotions, you feel lost.

Its hard I know. But I need to pick myself up again and restart. I guess it only makes me stronger. But one feels bad. Very bad…

PS: Im not giving up dreaming. I shudder to think what I would do otherwise. 😀