I am a dreamer. I dream of a lot of things. Day-dreaming is my greatest hobby. One can often find me drifting into a parallel world of my own. Ive dreamt of so many things since I was a kid. Many of my dreams came true, many just crashed. ( I am of course leaving out the ones which were absurd! ). When your dreams come true, you rejoice, celebrate and soak yourself in the blissful feeling of achieving or getting something you always dreamt of. No, Im not talking about material dreams. Its when your dreams crash that sets your mind thinking. Wouldnt it be better and more peaceful if you’d rather not dream?? Not have any expectations from yourself or others. Have no benchmarks to compare with. Not expect people to do anything or say anything. Just take life as it comes…? Unfortunately for me, that isnt the case.
It starts with that sinking feeling. A feeling that leaves you hollow. It urges you to undo so many things that you did. It makes you realize what you should have done and what you shouldn’t have. Faced with this problem recently, I had the urge to turn back time. Not do so many things, behave differently and perhaps work harder. Its not the failure alone that pinches you hard. Its the other stuff you thought about too. Its like a tower of cards that comes crashing down. All just due to one wrongly placed card on the top. All the interrelated dreams, everything changes.
I know people must be baffled what this was all about. But its about a simple thing. When dreams crash. When they dont exist anymore. When all you have dreamt about for 18 years isnt going to happen. When you have to pick up the shards of the shattered glass and start from scratch itself. Wait for time to heal the wound and start afresh. Goals and aspirations apart, even the end of a long friendship or sudden change in behaviour of people towards you hits you hard. When so many things you have thought about was all a waste of time and emotions, you feel lost.
Its hard I know. But I need to pick myself up again and restart. I guess it only makes me stronger. But one feels bad. Very bad…
PS: Im not giving up dreaming. I shudder to think what I would do otherwise. 😀