Warning: This is a blog written in frustration. Read on at your own risk.
Its that time of the year again. Pre-compre work as I put in my previous post. Now that Im in the middle of it, a new problem has surfaced. Its not complaining about the amount of work or the nature,(surprisingly Im enjoying both) its about a constant brainwash that my class is subjected to.
After four months of attending regular classes and meeting the teachers almost four times a week, one does build up a rapport. Since our class is comprised of 40 odd people, establishing personal relations is not difficult. We have fixed places we like to sit in class, with our favourite desks full of drawings and other swear words and also mostly fixed company. I sit on the second last occupied row in class. I love being a back-bencher.
Over the months, we have discovered the true knowledge and teaching prowess of all our teachers. We know exactly what they can and cannot ( mostly its the latter) the way the class is taken and the questions he/she asks. But the most irritating part of almost all the teachers has surfaced. Favoritism. I agree its normal to love the most regular student who sits right under the teachers nostrils and breathes every word he says. But forgetting the remaining students is something our department has now become famous for.
Fortunately or unfortunately, we have our set of “pro-people” as a BITSian would say. The teacher no longer cares if the others understand the point, they no longer even care if the others have finished copying down what was written, and to top it all, they sneer at the remaining students. They show them down, discourage others and show these 4-5 first benchers as the future greats. Its bearable once, twice but everyday?? and three times a day???? NO!
Since attendence is no longer a choice for us, we have to be there in class to hear them drone about either our seniors or the esteemed first benchers. It is weird as to how our classes proceed. There may be 45 people sitting in the class, but teachers refuse to look or interact beyond the first 5. Everyone realizes this. We happily scribble on benches, talk about some interesting event in the past and try our best to listen.Sometimes its a boon to be ignored. But now that our subjects are not that easy, we do need help. We do need clarification. Its irritating and frustrating to be just sitting there and listening and not being heard even when you want to say or ask something.
After months of running around to complete my project ( a self-inflicted torture I should say) and hours of standing in front of chambers to update on my progress, only to be shooed away each and every time, it is disgusting to hear when the teacher announces in the end that “hey you never met me”. All explanations go in vain. Sometimes one feels so bad, words dont even come out.
Thats what I think I have reduced to. A Transparent existence. All I am is a name on the sheet of paper with a huge identification number preceding my name. But every time this happens, I am more determined, fired up in fact to show these people that its not the first benchers alone, its not only the ones they think are great will prove and do something in life. I will too.