People- the biggest mysteries of all

I’ve never understood people.They are a constant source of amazement to me. I’m convinced that if the entire mankind works hard enough, they can decode and accurately predict the functionality of every living being in a few years but not of humans. It is not because they are super duper intelligent alone, it is because they are the most dangerous and evil of all species living. There is only one thing I can do now to a certain extent – categorize them. If you think analytically you’ll be amazed to find how easily they can be grouped into the following categories (in my opinion).

1. The show-off: I think this is the largest set of people I can find. From their college to their car to their shirts or tops to their shoes, everything is about telling others how wonderfully unique and expensive or exotic it is. From faking accents in two weeks of coming to a foreign country to telling loudly to the entire class how his GIRLFRIEND bought him the t-shirt he is currently sporting to the new Merc coupe he’s just bought with a down payment or counting the number of bedrooms in the house on their fingers or announcing loudly which city in an XYZ country their genius of a son has settled into, these people are everywhere. And they are obnoxious, spreading the disease to everyone around soon starting a wave of blowing-your-own-trumpet with no one really interested in anyone else with hardly a conversation between them.

2.The trackers: They need to know everything about everyone. From knowing why so-n-so is no longer dating so-n-so to which party some other person attended to which college he/she is in, which company, which job, if he/she has a gf or not, these people know every minute detail about every other person. They are the database-keepers, they maintain databases of the world’s citizens tracking every movement of every other person through whatever means they can find.

3.The hypocrites: Lo and behold! The least favourite of mine. They are the ultimate evil in my opinion, all pretense and no genuine feelings behind it. They will hold ur hand when u cry and once its done, will be the first to ensure more tears flow down ur cheeks. They fake emotions, they act all nice in front of the very same people they bitch about in the background. At the surface its all fine and dandy and only when u scrape out the sugar coating, the fungus infestation appears. Very dangerous people. The scary part is you never know who really a hypocrite is until its far too late! ( At the risk of discriminating – larger population among the female sex).

4.The use and throw: Call in need, discard if they’ve done the deed. I’m sure everyone has met such people. They act all nice, call , pretend to be really interested in you until you do what they want you to and then vanish all signs of familiarity. I once had this good friend for three-four years in high school who refused to recognize me post board exams after all my help was extracted. Another very commonly found specimen.

5. (for girls only) The hooker: No no, now dont get ideas. This is that variety that plays with emotions to get work done. Once they know your soft spot, they’ll use you to get errands done, almost faking a relationship knowing they can extract maximum work from you because you like them just a little bit more than everyone else and love to squeeze you for their work only to tell you flatly “I wouldnt believe we will work out ever if I were you”. They keep you on the hook only to throw you down crashing years later. A tad worse than the use and throw since they mess with your emotions. Its not a lie that boys can fake relationships. Its true.

6. The sharp hitter: I love these people. They are blunt, true to your face people who speak the truth at all times and behave normally to everyone. Very annoying to be with but they make the truest friends/ lovers / life-partners. These people have the least friends, but make honest dependable ones. You can be assured of a true relationship with these people. Extremely rare, like pink diamonds perhaps.

These are the classifications I could come up with. It is nice and convenient to brand people so you know exactly how to deal with them. I’ve named these groups, more classifications are welcome! 🙂